7 Mistakes most
Parents make in Disciplining their Kids:
- Using ‘No’ or ‘Don’t’
too Often – Parents usually give instructions to their kids in negative
tones. Often parents face a situation where it becomes necessary to say no
to kids. But when possible, parents should avoid saying no. Why should
we tell our children what not to do? Usually in teenage, they feel they
are mature enough to take their own decisions. Tell them what they should
do instead! Too much use of the word ‘no’ can lower the importance of the
word. Use ‘No’ too often, and your child will begin to view the world as
negative and begin to think that he has to be aggressive to get
what he wants. It is important to strike the right balance in the amount
of times you say ‘No’ and ‘Yes’ to your child.
- Setting Unreasonably High
Expectations – Parenting in
public is
one situation which causes even the best of parents to fumble in. You may
expect your child to sit quietly in a restaurant but he may be unable to
understand that. Do not simply order him to be quiet. He will not
understand. The better course of action would be to explain that you are
quiet and talking in a softer tone of voice because you are in a restaurant
and other people get disturbed. It will take time and patience but it will
help your child better understand how to behave in different situations.
- Warnings with Vague
Consequences – If you have asked your child to stop
watching the TV and he does not do that, do not use vague warnings such as
– “I’m very serious this time”, or “You have had it, if you don’t listen
to me!” Spell out clear consequences of misbehaviour such as, “I will
unplug the TV for a week” or “No pocket money for a month” and
so on. However, set clear limits and let your child know what
exactly you expect him to do in a positive tone before resorting to such
warnings.
- Time - Outs –
Time outs are proven methods of helping your child know what is acceptable
about his behaviour and what not. Remember, you have to be very particular
and insistent at this point. Ensure that your child doesn’t
misconstrue time-outs as just a punishment.
Encourage your child to think about his behaviour and why what he did was
wrong and unacceptable behaviour.
- Discipline out of Frustration –
Parents tend to decide when to discipline their kids based on how tired
and frustrated they themselves are. There are times when are simply
exhausted and want some quiet time but your kids decide that it is the
best time to run around the house playing catch! You shout at them and
insist that they sit down and play with
their toys quietly. What was the disciplinary lesson that
they learnt from this? Nothing! Try to stay calm and if safety is not the
issue, do not pay attention to what your child is doing. After all they
need some time to explore and experiment around. If you simply cannot
stand too much noise, explain that you are tired and would love some peace,
and would they please consider playing with their toys and play catch
later? This not only gives you the peace and quiet you need, but also
teaches kids to be respectful of you and your moods.
- Not Disciplining According to
Each Child’s Nature – This is the biggest mistakes parents
make. They think that any disciplinary action that works with one
child will work with all. You should understand your child as an
individual. If one child is understanding by nature, a verbal reminder to
behave maybe enough. But if his sibling is more aggressive, she might need
to have her TV rights revoked to get the message across. However, it is
also important to ensure that you do not get very strict with
one child and lenient with another while doing this. The punishment should
not only fit your child’s nature, but also the level of misbehaviour!
- Don’t Practice what they Preach –
Often parents behave in a manner that they would never want their children
to behave. The next time something does not go your way, do not shout or
yell. If you do so, pause and apologize so that your child knows that it
was a mistake and that you are aware of it. Children may not listen to
what you say, but they definitely notice how you behave. Therefore, if
your child is acting out, pay attention to your behaviour – you may have
inadvertently caused his misbehaviour.
